As an experiment, and an antidote to the fact that I don't really have a clue who all these definite article-fixated NME bands are anymore, this morning I thought I'd stick on E4 for a bit; until I became a Club NME regular with XFM's phone number tatooed onto my soul and Conor McTwat's photo on my wall, or I got absolutely sick of it, whichever came first (can you guess which it was?).The Automatic - Monster
: like the Kaiser Chiefs only much, much worse. "What's that, coming over the hill, is it a monster?" No, it's a band with literally no talent at all.The Zutons - Valerie
: bloated, too much slap-bass, in a flatulent, stuttering, Chilli Peppers kind of way (i.e. the worst kind of way) - the faux-funk bits are horrible. Would make an acceptable Dodgy b-side, which is hardly a ringing endorsement. Especially since they're supposed to be spearheading a 'British rock renaissance'. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!The Streets - Never Went to Church
: My perpetually mixed feelings about Mike Skinner lean towards the positive side on this one. It's a horribly upsetting song about his Dad being dead, but this is a great intro statement: "Two great European narcotics - alcohol and Christianity. I know which one I prefer.".The Feeling - Fill My Little World
. More jocular bouncey post-Kaiser flimsiness. I mean really flimsy. Really jocular. I can't stand overly serious music, but when did everyone in the world start mainlining wacky pills? The singer can modulate his voice in a very slight and distant imitation of a vocoder, which is diverting like a fly stuck on the wrong side of the window is diverting; this, it need hardly be said, doth not a great band make.Shakira - Hips Don't Lie
: Thank fuck for this. Not even an especially good Shakira single, but she's singing on it, so it's already a million times better than a million songs by The Feeling. Her hips don't lie, you know.
It's time to go out on a high note. By turning E4 off.